Everything is finally starting to fall into place for
Esther.She states that “In a week if I
passed my interview with the board of directors, I would be dropped off at the
iron gates of my college.” (pg.193)I am
very proud of Esther for going through everything she has and for getting that
far. Her mother has forgiven her
and she tells Esther “We’ll act as if it were a bad dream.”Esther states that everything is a bad dream
when you live under a bell jar. Buddy Willard finally comes to visit her.They get along greatly and she feels a strange connection between
them.She finally has forgiven him for
being a hypocrite.She helps him dig his
car out of the snow.Buddy asks Esther
if she thinks there is something about him that drives women crazy, being as
her and Joan both ended up in the asylum.I found this kind of humorous.Dr. Nolan walks in and assures him that it was just a coincidence and
not his fault.She also tells Esther
that Joan’s death had nothing to do with her.Esther is invited to attend Joan’s funeral.It was a nice service and it helped her find
peace.She also calls Irwin to ask him
for a check to pay the hospital for her injury the night they had sex.He asks when she will see him again and she
confidently replies “Never!”It is
almost time for Esther to be released; she just has to attend one final meeting
with all of the doctors.She got dressed
in her nicest clothes and with Dr. Nolan by her side she was finally
ready.
The last sentence of the book
says “I walked into the room.” (pg.200)It was definitely a cliff hanger and I was a little disappointed with
the ending; I wanted to see what would happen next.I was very glad it was a happy ending though;
during the middle of the book I predicted the book would end with Esther
killing herself.I really enjoyed The Bell jar.It was different from what I am used to
reading, but I liked the style and I’m glad that I chose to read it.
The Bell Jar Reflection #14
Chapters 18-19 (pgs. 176-192)
Esther awakens and the climax of the book happens.Esther feels free and she feels as if the bell jar that she was once enclosed
under had lifted and was now suspended above her head.Dr. Nolan explains that with a few more weeks
of shock treatments, Esther should be back to normal.Esther cannot wait, being as she now has a
new excitement for life.
Esther gets
back to her room and shortly after, Joan brings her a letter from Buddy
Willard.We learn that Joan used to date
Buddy as well; however, she says that she never really liked him, she just
liked his mother.She was the kind,
loving mother she never had.Esther’s
letter states that Buddy may come to visit her later.Esther is surprised to find that she would
not mind if he came.Later that day,
Esther walked in to Dee Dee’s room to get some sheet music, and she catches Dee
Dee in the bed with Joan.Esther has no
idea what they are doing, but then she realizes that they must be having an
affair.She becomes confused and talks
to Dr. Nolan about how she just does not see what women see in other
women.Near the end of the chapter,
Esther realizes that women should have the same rights as men and they should
be able to get away with sleeping around if they wanted to so she goes to the
doctor to get birth control.This was written
in the time when women and men still weren’t treated equally and also when
birth control was fairly new.Esther is
successful in getting the medicine, but as she waits in the waiting room she
wonders why she is not maternal like most of the other women she knows.
When the next chapter begins, Joan is telling
Esther about her dream to be a psychiatrist one day.Esther finds this humorous being as she is
seeing psychiatrists herself at the time.They also talk about how they will miss each other, being as they know
Esther will be released soon.Next, we
read the statement “It hurts.Is it
supposed to hurt?” (pg.184)I was
confused at first, but then as we read on we find out that Esther is losing her
virginity.She went out that night and
met a man named Irwin.He seemed very
nice and smart and he invited her out for coffee, and then later back to his
room.While they are at his house,
another woman comes to his door dressed quite scandalously.Esther realizes that Irwin must get many
women, but she does not care.She just
wants to lose her virginity to a stranger and have no connection with him
afterwards.Esther exclaims that she
feels a sharp pain, and after they stop having sex she notices that she is
bleeding profusely.Esther gets Irwin
to drop her off with Joan and Joan takes her to the hospital.They tell Esther that her case is very
abnormal; however they get her help.A
few days later, the doctor comes in and tells Esther some very devastating news
though.She tells her that Joan was
found in the woods, dead.I feel really
bad for Esther.I feel like she will
feel Esther’s death was her fault.
The Bell Jar Reflection #13
Chapter 17 (pgs. 167-176)
At the beginning of this chapter, a nurse tells Esther that
she is progressing and that soon they will move her into Belsize.Belsize is the place that patients go when
they are about to be released.Esther
does not want to move to Belsize, although she talks about being relieved that
they do not do shock treatments there.
A
few days later, they move her and all of her stuff into a room at Belsize.She sees Joan there and many other women who
have walking privileges, shopping privileges, and can basically do whatever
they want.She claims that the women are
well dressed and they seem stuck up, being as they spend most of their time
gossiping about each other.I feel bad
for Esther because she feels like the new kid on the block and that feeling is
never easy.I experienced that myself in
fourth grade when I moved to Elizabeth City and I did not know anyone.One day, Joan is reading a magazine and she
finds a picture of Esther in it.She
asks Esther in front of all the other girls if it is her and Esther denies it;
she even feels embarrassed.
The next
morning when the nurse comes in, she does not bring a breakfast tray and Esther
knows that is bad news because if you don’t get breakfast, that means you are
scheduled to have a shock treatment done.She thinks there has been some mistake, but she finds out that it was no
mistake.She starts freaking out and
runs and cries in the corner.Dr. Nolan
comes and comforts her, telling her that she promises to be with her throughout
the entire treatment.Esther is furious
at her though because she had promised she would warn her if she had to get any
shock treatments done.The time comes
and Esther walks into the electrotherapy room terrified.Dr. Nolan is with her the whole time though
and she decides to get it over with.As
soon as she gets shocked, she falls into a deep sleep and she did not feel a
thing like Dr. Nolan had promised. http://www.electroboy.com/electroshocktherapy.htm
The Bell Jar Reflection #12
Chapters 15-16 (pgs. 151-166)
A woman named Mrs.
Philomena Guinea heard about Esther’s case all the way in the Bahamas and she
became very interested in it.She even
came all the way to Boston and using her own money, she transported Esther from
the awful city hospital to a nice, private one.A black Cadillac came to pick Esther up and she rode between her mother
and brother in the back of the Cadillac to the new hospital.While they were driving over a bridge over
the Charles River, Esther got a crazy idea to jump out of the car when it
stopped and run and jump over the bridge, although she could not bring herself
to do it.The entire time I have been
reading this book, I have been wondering why it is named The Bell Jar and I finally figured it out at the beginning of
Chapter fifteen.Esther says that she
knows she should be thankful for Mrs. Guinea’s kindness but she is not.She says that even if she had given her a
ticket to Europe “I would be sitting
under the same glass bell jar,
stewing in my own sour air” (pg.152)This shows that Esther’s illness has no cure, and no matter what anyone
does for her, she will never be happy with her life. When Esther gets to the newer, nicer
hospital, she is surprised to find she has a female doctor named Dr.
Nolan.She is also surprised to find
that they serve them nice food and give them real silverware.I picture this hospital sort of like a
nursing home.A woman named Miss Norris
moves into the room beside Esther.She
decides to go talk to her and make a friend, but becomes disappointed when she
realizes that Miss Norris cannot talk and that she is worse off than
herself.A couple of days later, the
nurses move Esther and Miss Norris to different rooms where there is more
sunlight.Also, the nurse tells Esther
that she has a surprise for her!Her
surprise is an old friend named Joan who came to the hospital to be with Esther.Joan tells Esther that they are in very
similar situations.Joan went to the
doctor and promised herself that if the doctor could not do her any good, she
would kill herself.Of course the doctor
did not do any good and she was going to kill herself until she came across the
many articles in the paper about Esther’s story and she ran away to find
her.She gave Esther the articles and
let her keep them; she even suggested she make a scrap book with them.Esther continues living boring days in the hospital,
many people try to come visit her though.Esther is ecstatic though when the nurse announces that she will have no
more visitors for a while, since she yelled at her mother when she tried to
bring flowers for her birthday.
The Bell Jar Reflection #11
Chapter 14 (pgs. 139-150)
When Esther wakes up, she hears voices around her, but she
cannot see anything and she has no idea where she is.She feels a chisel crack down on her eye and
all she can see is a small stream of light.She is convinced that she has gone blind, but she is told that she is
lucky that her eyesight is normal.After
a few minutes, she can finally see and she sees nurses standing around her
bed.Her mother and brother come in to
visit her and see how she is doing.She
tells them that she wants to be left alone.Shortly after that, a man named George Bakewell that she met once comes
in to visit her.He tells her that he is
that hospital’s watchmen and she screams and says “Get the hell out and don’t
come back.” (pg.142)
The next day, she
asks a nurse to see a mirror.The nurse
tells her no at first, but after Esther continually bugs her about it she lets
her see it.Esther is convinced that the
horrible image in the mirror is a picture and not her.Esther accidentally drops the mirror and breaks
it.The nurses freak out and yell at her
saying she will have bad luck for seven years.Esther tells them that is just a superstition.The next day, Esther is transported by
ambulance to another hospital to see a ward.She is put in a room with an Italian woman named Mrs. Tomolillo and
after Esther tells her that she tried to kill herself, Esther asks for the
privacy curtain to be put between them.Esther finds out that she has been sleeping and eating in the hospital
and she becomes upset.She talks about
the Negro waitress at meal time who gave her two servings of beans.She becomes angry and kicks him in the
calf.This was during a time when some
places were still segregated, so it was unusual to see a black man working at a
hospital.
That night, the nurses come to
Esther’s room to take her temperature.They lay their thermometers on her bed while they are busy and Esther
purposefully kicks them over, although she claims it was an accident.The thermometers shatter and glass and
mercury go everywhere.The nurses are
furious and rush to clean everything up; however, Esther manages to grab a
small, silver ball of mercury before they can get to it.I am very nervous about Esther having mercury
and I predict that she will swallow it and try to kill herself again.
The Bell Jar Reflection #10
Chapters 12-13 (pgs. 115-138)
Esther and her mother go to Dr. Gordon’s special hospital so
that she can have her shock treatment done. Esther notices that everything and everybody
in the hospital is still and quiet.She
expects to see bars on the windows, but instead it just looks like a normal
house to her.After waiting a while, Dr.
Gordon comes to get Esther.He takes her
upstairs and Esther sees a woman saying that she is going to jump out of the
window; Esther now realizes that the windows upstairs are barred.They remove Esther’s jewelry and put her in a
machine.She says the pain is terrible
and that she is not okay. When she wakes
up from her treatment, her mother and Mrs. Dodo Conway are there to drive her
home.She gets home and tells her mother
that she is done with Dr. Gordon and his silly treatments.Her mother is relieved because she thinks
that Esther is finally getting better, but she is actually getting much
worse.Esther gets home and is exhausted
being as she has not slept in twenty one days.She has finally hit rock bottom and take out her fourteen Gillette razor
blades and attempts to kill herself; however she just can’t bring herself to
cut her delicate wrists.She states
that” It was as if what I wanted to kill wasn’t in that skin or the thin blue
pulse that jumped under my thumb, but somewhere else, deeper, more secret, a
whole lot harder to get at.” (pg.121)As
I was reading, this book really started to frighten me and I got scared while
reading it alone in my room at night so I had to put it up. Esther begins to get even crazier in the next
chapter.She goes to the beach with her
friend Jody and two guys and attempts to drown herself.She also recalls trying to hang herself that
morning with her mother’s yellow robe tie, but she could not find anything to
hang the tie on.Esther’s mother gets
worried about her so she gets Esther to volunteer at a local hospital.Esther goes and gets assigned to pass out
flowers on the maternity hall.Some of
the women are rude to Esther and she runs home and says that “It’s time.”I assume that meant that it was time for her
to kill herself because she leaves a note for her mother saying she has gone
for a long walk and she crawls into a dark hole in the cellar and takes fifty
of her sleeping pills one by one until she starts seeing things and falls into
a deep sleep.
The next morning, Esther takes the train home from New
York.She is all torn up from the night
before and she does not have any clothes except the ones on her body since she
threw them all off of the roof.As soon
as she gets to the station, her mother is there to meet her.She tells Esther the bad news that she did
not get accepted into the writing program that she had hoped to.Esther feels awful.She had planned on getting into that program
and now she has no idea what she wants to do with her life.I feel really bad for Esther, I had hoped she
would get in as well. She goes home and
goes immediately to her bed and lies down since she is exhausted.She talks about her white house in the
suburbs that she and her mother live in and she talks about some of her
neighbors, one named Mrs. Ockenden who told on her for kissing a boy outside of
her house, and one named Mrs. Dodo Conway who has seven children.Esther’s friend Jody who she had planned to
live with while she completed her writing course called her to see what the
plan was and Esther quickly shut her down.Also, Esther makes plans to write a book, but shuts down that plan as
well.I feel like Esther is doing
nothing with her life and becoming more miserable as each day goes on.She goes to the doctor on day to get
prescribed more sleeping pills, because she cannot sleep, and the doctor refers
her to a psychiatrist.I am really
starting to worry about Esther at this point.
She goes to a psychiatrist named Dr. Gordon hoping that he can help her.She has not changed clothes, showered, or
slept in weeks.She quickly decides that
she does not like her psychiatrist though and only tells him what she wants for
him to know.He tells her to come back
next week and Esther’s mother is not happy since Dr. Gordon is so
expensive.Next, there is a small
episode of Esther flirting with a sailor.He is many years younger than her and they become very touchy until
Esther thinks she sees Buddy Willard’s mother.She was just hallucinating though.I think that this episode was unnecessary; I guess they just included it
to show even more of Esther’s craziness.Esther goes back to Dr. Gordon the next day and he becomes very worried
about her.He tells her mother that she
needs to have a shock treatment done at a hospital nearby.Esther tries to get out of it by running away
but she realizes that she has no time or money.She sees an article about a man who almost jumped off of a seven story
building.This really opens up her eyes
to the idea of suicide and now I am really starting to get scared that she
might try something suicidal soon.
